Those gym assholes can kiss my ass

One of the most satisfying things I found is to take my body its limit, to work my muscles until they ache for relief and then push them even harder. So, I belong to a gym, actually several gyms. These gyms have every piece of equipment anyone would ever need and then some. However, I fucking hate these gyms. Why? I can't stand all these goddamned assholes bugging the hell out of me every time I go there.

I hate the clothes people wear to this gym. What do preteens, fat middle-aged housewives, and flamboyant homosexual men have in common? Spandex, spandex, spandex! Not one person at this fucking gym that wears spandex is a young voluptuous woman. Why damn it why? The buff crowd generally wears tank tops, undershirts, and those stupid faded t-shirts two sizes too small with the sleeves cut off diagonally. For the corpulent crowd it's the sometimes matching but often not sweater with sweatpants combination. What makes me angry is when the obese gym goers lose their first 3 or 4 pounds and think they are in shape, and then try to dress accordingly. Hideous stretch marks, flabby wavy arms, and cottage cheese thighs stricken with retch inducing varicose veins all uncovered because these delusional fat bodies now have a sliver of self-esteem. Fucking assholes.

I hate how everyone always wants to talk to me when I'm working out. Even when I have the clarity of mind to bring my CD player people still bother me. Can't you see I'm listening to music? Music! I don't want to interact with you assholes or the entire outside world in general. But still they bother me. "Woah what a work out…mmm hmm… ohhh yea!"..."Sup bro, I'm gonna work out to pump up so I can be in to get down… heh hmm." What does that mean? I was never a jock so I am completely baffled by this second language of bros' that I have to constantly endure. Fucking assholes.

I hate how macho men have to be around the bench press. Characteristically these men measure each other's strength by how much weight they can bench. Usually the amount a man can truly bench is conservatively embellished by 20 to 30 pounds, so he doesn't seem weak in front of other men. At the bench press area the tough macho men are all sizing each other up; some grinning stupidly at me, while others avoiding eye contact. All the while these guys are slapping each other, flexing their muscles, and or shouting inspirational phrases to the one guy that's actually working out. Many make offhand sexual references about woman to relieve some of the homoerotic tension built up from all the pushing, slapping, and grunting. Then there are always those skinny bastards claiming to be able to bench an exorbitant amount of weight for their size, then not back up their boasting for some bullshit reason like, "I've already been lifting for two hours today so I don't want to strain my 'cepts anymore ya know." Fuck you. If you say you can lift 275 you back it up goddamn it. Fucking assholes.

I hate all the promotional shits gyms always have. Join today for free membership so that we can fuck you in the ass later on overblown monthly charges. I hate all those fucking gym assholes that push their useless super-powder smoothie formulas that supposedly, when consumed, helps to build muscles. However, the worst is when there is a table peddling some shitty vitamin-enhanced concoction that is guaranteed not to work and taste god-awful. Hmmmm if it smells like diarrhea and it looks worse then diarrhea then it must be great for me and leave a delightful aftertaste in my mouth while I work out. Nope. Fucking Assholes.

I hate everybody that goes to the gym. I hate the overweight middle-aged housewives that pay full price all year round so they can workout in the aerobics center in droves for the two weeks after New Years. I hate how there is always one feeble old person working out, never more then one, but always at least one there. I hate feeling uncomfortable for that old man as hordes of young athletic gym goers casually walk past him, swearing and yelling, like he's not even there. I hate the retarded gym staff that always watches me then comments on my form and demands I sign up for a personal trainer. I hate the people that come to the gym and don't work out. People who pay good money to join a gym then only come to socialize and hang out piss me off to no end. I hate anyone that even looks at me while I'm at the gym, they can all go straight to hell. Fucking assholes.

 

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Come load trucks at FedEx every night. You get paid to work out.

 

Exactly why I only do 12 oz. curls at home. fucking gyms.

 

Buy yourself a Bowflex, work out at home, and shut the hell up about other people. Fucking asshole.

Bowflex

 

I used to be able to bench 405 but I havent touched a weight since I moved in April. I bet I could still get 350 easy. I would be happy to back that up.

Don't read this while I am thinking about working out. Rude fuckers.

 

Just let your body go to shit. That has always worked for me.

 

I am about to buy one of these

http://www.megafitness.com/exercise/caribou-rack-cable-crossover-.html

 

does somebody need to kick sand in your face, sly. fucking procrastinator.

 

You lift 350 with your legs every time you stand up.

 

if it wasn't your birthday.....

bowflexes are rip offs....you can hurt yourself big time on those things. if they were any good, colleges, pro-teams, and pro-athletes would use them. isntead, they rely on silly infomercails using actors who don't use them.

fuking asshole