Ladies, a serious question about sex...

Seriously.


Have you ever experienced a significant decrease in your sexual drive? How old were you, were you in a relationship, what did you do about it?


Thanks.

 

Without getting too personal, I'll try to help if I can.

Women's sex drive decreases for lots of reasons, and sometimes nothing can be done about it but time. These are my opinions, nothing scientific...

The reasons range from being depressed, stressed, health related or simply- she's fallen out of love and it's become a burden or chore rather than something she enjoys.
Antidepressants are the biggest reason for sex to fall off suddenly with no other reason apparent. Is she taking any meds for depression?
I have said it before, for most women- sex is mental and the sooner guys realize that, the better. If she is carrying a particularly heavy load, help her with it however you can. Be supportive, don't rag her about sex, it only makes her cringe. I know it's hard to hear, but it's very true. It doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't love you.
Stress of thinking about money, housing, jobs etc.... can just overload the mind and she has little time to consider herself or you- help her with that as I said above. If there is something you can do ie..... help her with laundry, money, help her with scheduling things, gently nudge her to handle her business and show her you care about it- you'll help free her mind.
Is there any chance she has anything physical going on? Medical? Many types of sicknesses cause a drop in libido, encourage her to ask her doctor.

Remember- support from the outside in, don't rag her about it, don't make it a key topic. Chances are she would like to have sex and feel like she did at one time- she just doesn't want it to be the focal point, ease up on her about it and try to remember what it was like when you guys first met. Be good to her and try not to get angry about it, that only causes her to detest the duty more. Sex is mental with women, physical with men. I'm not saying most women can't get into the physical part of it- or that they don't crave or need it like men. I'm saying most women like to have a connection or feel like it's meaningful. With that said, I'm not saying that you should be romantic, bring her roses, tell her how much you love her etc..... I'm saying it's far greater than that. Sometimes the romance is a big turn off because she might feel like it's a ploy.

I'm sorry for what you are going through.....

 

It's going on a year now. She has a doc's appt. on thursday. I prolly rag her too much. I don't bring it up, but I don't hide my frustrations very well. There is absolutely no romance or affection in this relationship anymore. She says she loves me but sometimes I feel that we are too far gone to salvage. I've always gone after people who are not like me and we are definitely opposite. And now I think it might be too much for us.



Thanks for your comments, plu.

 

her estrogen/testosterone/progesterone levels could be off. a doc can help with finding out and there are several natural remedies for that. while i agree with all that plu stated, i know that a healthy sex life actually helps with stress. my personal experience was hormone levels and once i got that straight, i was like bob on enzyte. it had absolutely nothing to do with my partner (although it was hard for her to understand that) or the quality of sex. i just had no desire.

while sex for most women is mental, chemistry is also important. overtime in a relationship, the chemical makeup changes. some couples work through it, others don't. i think it really depends on what priority sex has in the relationship. while important to retain intimacy, it's not the end-all be-all if the relationship has other strong elements.

 

I'm sorry honey . I think sex will wax and wane for all couples. When you decide to be a couple rather than just lovers- you have to accept that sex should be taken out of the equation. It should be I want to be with him/her because a. b. c. d. e. f. g. and then because sex is awesome. That way- when the bad times come and they will you have something else to fall back on.

Affection is really important to me, I'm a hugger and a touchy feely person. Being with someone who isn't is hard. It's hard to separate the two with men, with me- I wanna hug, rub on or just touch someone I'm attracted to or even someone I just love being around ie.... Putt. But when you are in a relationship, women stop loving on men when they aren't in the mood to have sex because the men take that as a cue for sex when really they just want to lay on the couch and touch. It's a thin line.

 

Here's the deal. I like affection as well and I can separate the two. I think she doesn't want to be touched b/c she's afraid I will attempt to push it further. Which is total bull b/c I've halted all attempts at getting her in the sack.

I don't snuggle her at all. I gave up on that. I kiss her good night and we both roll over. I do it on purpose now. I can't help it, my feelings are hurt. I have a lot of resentment built up over this and it is gonna take more than a hump in the hay to get over it.

I hope it is something hormonal and the doc fixes it right up. She has always been very up and down emotionally her whole life. She's been on anti-depressants, but hasn't taken any since we've been together. She used to have a drug problem, but I straightened her ass out on that as well.

If we get good news this week and take a step forward, I hope that it begins to set other aspects of our relationhip in place. We shall see. I'm not a quitter, but I am at my end right now.

 

Odd question, but what type of birth control do you use?

 

why did she stop the anti-depressants? that seems like a big red flag to me.

 

Gut, I hate that you are experiencing this bro but I'm speaking from 21 years of marriage.
Go to the mountains, no tv, no radio, no takeout,.... none of that.
buy your groceries and just talk to each other and find out where your heads are at.
I know it's not easy for most guys on here to say because of the machismo factor but my best friend in the world today is my wife.
I talk to her about almost anything. And it's not that I find a way by talking with her it's that we'll find a way together.

PS. I have'nt told her about my crush on Muff though.

 

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