Jared Lorenzen

The round mound of touchdown.

CMP ATT YDS CMP% YDS/A TD INT RAT
42 76 589 55.3 7.75 9 1 156.8

It’d give sly someone he could relate to.

 

That guy is a linebacker waiting to happen

 

He’s a seismic event waiting to happen.

He’s a all you can eat buffet manager’s nightmare.

Big, fat, strong, and ugly. Can throw the ball a mile. He’s Kirkland with an arm.

 

Kirkland with an arm is a good way to put it. I love watching J-Lo (which one has a bigger ass?) flick guys off of him when opposing defenses blitz DB's.

 

I'd say he was the subway guy, but obviously not.

Hell I'd take him as a 3rd stringer.

 

Lorenzon would eat the Subway Jared for a midnight snack.

“Get in my belly!!!!”

Seriously. Who is Kentucky’s trainer? A pizza delivery man? He’s not the first prospect out of that school to come out a bit chubby.
It’d be funny to see Fred Smoot bounce off Lorenzon’s gut.

 

Supposedly, Jared had a "deal" with the coach where he promised to lose weight and study more film this summer (I cannot remember the article in which I read this though.). He showed up at a trim 265 this summer, but then ballooned up to 290 once the season started. The coach said that as long as he continues to produce (he has so far), that he would leave the fat bastard alone. We'll see.

 

He'll probably get scrutinized real bad once draft time comes, but hell I'd still take him. He's tall, he can read, he's used to a decent offensive system, he plays against decent competition in the best conference in the world, and he'll be available in the 6th round so that when we have to reach for another QB, we can. And he doesn't run so Sandy won't like him. He's perfect.
hell, he's so fucking big that 22 doesn't get it. He's not Flutie. He oughta be wearing 55.
A trim 265.

 

And if he doesn’t work out, he can play guard.

 

And/or put a hurtin' on someone on kick coverage.