hangnail

had a bad one yesterday on my right thumb. instead of clipping it off, I grasp it with my thumb and firefinger and peel it off like a fucking banana. It took off a strip of skin that went from my thumbnail to my wrist. went to the ER to get it taken care of and the doctor said I am one dumb ************ for doing that. well that kinda pissed me off so I went out into the parking lot and shit on the hood of his Lexus and put one of those umbrellas that you see in fancy beach drinks in it (the shit, not the Lexus). This fucking hangnail is killing me. It kept me awake all night and I wound up watching Dont Tell Her It's Me: The Director's Cut as well as the first two DVDs in CPO Sharkey: Season II. Here's the deal: I type exclusively with the thumbs and pinkie fingers on both hands. It called the Crouching Wombat method of typing. You've probably never heard of it, but I don't really give a flying fuck about that. It's a pretty efficient way to type, but if you lose the use of one of the four fingers, you're basically fucked. Try typing with the thumb and pinkie on your left hand and only the pinkie on your right. It ain't easy. I'm like Bob Geldof at the end of The Wall dipping his hand in the toilet, except I'm dipping mine in a mixture of giraffe semen and Scope (old family remedy for mild abrasions and whatthefucknot). But fortunately I have the key to escape reality.

 

Something about this doesn't ring exactly true Grid. No way they would have sent you home with this.

 

I ain't sayin' it's easy, but it can be done

 

HOF Material

 

excellent!

 

revelling in my pain? focker.

 

Hang in there, Grid.