Darren Daulton

Has flipped.

 

saw that on HBO....dude has lost it. but at least he has a nice tan.

 

Even if I thought that shit, I don't believe I'd go on national TV and tell it, especially without proof...

 

please don't make me look it up on my own.

 

Hold on, I'll post a link.

 

It better not be a link to some guy smoking pork

 

This is from the SI article...


"I've been thrown in jail five or six times," Daulton says from his home in Tampa. "Nicole thinks I'm crazy. She blames everything on drugs and drinking. But I don't take drugs and I'm not a drunk. Nicole just doesn't understand metaphysics." Neither do some of Daulton's buddies. "When I share my thoughts and experiences with them, I tell them there's absolutely no way their minds can comprehend what I'm trying to relate," he says. "My friends are limited to the five senses."

Daulton isn't. When he says he's attuned to Higher Powers, he's not channeling Bud Selig. "There is no good or bad," he says, explicating the Dutch Theory of Being. "We're all the same, but we're all different. The higher we ascend, the more the same we are."
At 44, Daulton is not nearly the same guy he was at 24 or even 34. "I didn't have my first out-of-body experience until I was 35," he says. Curiously, the epiphany occurred at one of baseball's holiest shrines -- Wrigley Field. "I hit a line-drive just inside the third base line to help win a game," he recalls. "The strange thing was I didn't hit that ball. I never hit balls inside the third base line!"

He left the ballpark in tears. "I told my wife, 'It wasn't me who swung that bat! It wasn't me!'" he says. "She thought I was Looney Tunes." She's not alone.

Despite his personal turmoil, Daulton says he's financially set. "I've got money," he says. "And next year my major league pension kicks in." Home alone in Tampa, Daulton spends much of his spare time typing up his mystical musings. The notes read like they were dictated by the True Believers who hitched a ride with Comet Hale-Bopp. "Reality is created and guarded by numeric patterns that overlap and awaken human consciousness, like a giant matrix or hologram," writes the .245 lifetime hitter. "They are created by sacred geometry -- numbers, the language of the universe, codes of awakening -- such as 11:11, which represent twin strands of DNA about to return to balance. Eleven equals BALANCE."

During the Dutch Enlightenment, No. 11 has been as significant as it was in Spinal Tap. "I'll wake up at night and look at the clock and it's 11:11," he says. "I'll turn on the TV and see a baseball game tied at 11 in the 11th inning. I'll look out the window and see a car passing with 1111 on the license plate. The car will turn into a driveway with 1111 on the mailbox." Eventually, Daulton would like to compile these synchronicities in a book and call it If They Only Knew! He took the title from clubhouse banter of the 1993 Phillies, the National League pennant winners. "Some wild things happened on that team that the fans never heard about," he says. If they only knew! was the mantra of his wildest teammates, Lenny Dykstra and John Kruk.

The book would recount the day Daulton literally stepped through time. It would detail his ability to become a sort of otherworldly Willard Scott -- at times, he says, the weather changes with his moods. "At one point everyone was against me, kind of like I'd struck out with the bases loaded," he says. "Whenever my thoughts got totally negative, it would automatically rain."

If They Only Knew! would also reveal the secrets of the pyramids, which Daulton insists are strategically placed all over the galaxy: the moon, Mars...

Vegas?

"What goes above, also goes below," Daulton says, cryptically. He believes the Mayan temples were built not by the Mayans, who were merely caretakers, but by a lost civilization. Possibly the Atlanteans, who allegedly disappeared beneath the waves. Possibly space aliens.

Daulton can ramble in mind-numbing detail about Dark Forces, the illusion of substance, the limitations of linear time. "The universe is made of vibrating energy," he says. "When energy vibrates fast enough on our 3-D plane, matter becomes invisible. Everything you see is vibrating at a certain level. A dirt clod, a rock..."

Even a rosin bag?

"Sure. A rosin bag is just a mirage of innumerable particles constantly speeding up or slowing down. But the Fourth and Fifth Dimensions remain unseen by most people. Their vibrations are at a lower frequency." Whether those vibrations are "good" is perhaps something only the Beach Boys can divine.

Earth, Daulton believes, is entering a quadrant of space in which the "vibrational energy" will increase dramatically. "The Mayan calendar stops at Dec. 21, 2012 -- the date the Mayans believed the world would end," he says. "On that day, at 11:11 a.m. Greenwich Mean Time, those who are ready to ascend will vanish from this plane of existence, like the crew of the Enterprise in Star Trek." Daulton hopes to beat the rush. "I can't wait to disappear," he says. "I'd disappear today if I could."

And if Judgment Day comes and nothing happens?

"I don't even concern myself with that," he says, breezily. "I just try to live in the Now."

Beam us up, Dutchie.

 

Nah, I'll write that Saturday. :imagestor

 

Darren Daulton = Dukey

 

Wrong. That would be '42'.