The Official Line Up And Kiss Ron Rivera's Ass Thread

Well, there I was, Junior year, Bugtussell High, 1977. I was the bat-boy for the Varsity girl’s softball team, the Bugtussell Bumble Bees. We were an explosive team that year. So anyway, Conference championship game against the hated Downsville Dastardly Diamond Dogs. We were on the wrong side of a classic pitchers’ duel and trailed 13-0 in the bottom of the 4th. Our pitcher, Nonie Farnsworth, had a no-hitter going, as did the opposing pitcher, Mary Jane Clonswarmer. Unfortunately, ol’ Nonie had hit a bad patch in the road and had walked 16 batters in a row.

Well, I took the opportunity of one of our coach’s visits to the mound to sneak around behind the Diamond Dogs dugout where I found their mascot, PeaBrain, sleeping soundly in the sun. PeaBrain was a 14-year old bloodhound with severe bladder control issues. As quietly as I could, I crept up right next to old PeaBrain and yelled “FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!!” as loud as I possibly could right in his ear.

For about three seconds I thought I had given him a heart attack and killed him. His eyes got big as apple fritters, all four legs shot straight out and locked at the joints and he peed a stream a good eight feet away where it promptly soaked the socks of Eloise Clonswarmer, Mary Jane’s mother.

Well I started running like my pants were on fire with PeaBrain dead on my heels for about 15 feet until he ran out of chain. I didn’t stop running until I was safely back in our dugout and in the arms of our right fielder, Marjorie Merkle. Margie went about 215 lbs. back then and was tough as nails, although slightly ‘slow’ in the head.

Well, to finish the story, we lost 22-0 and PeaBrain was never seen at another softball game. Marjorie and I later married and now sell produce out of the back of a pickup truck.

 

Grid?

 

Best laugh in a while.

 

I love happy endings

 

Note that there is no reply from Collin...I expected as much.

Yet again, when directly called out, silence confirms what we all know.

 

"Never argue with an idiot, winning only encourages him to think you take him seriously"

Sound advice.

Bugtussell High... I'm pretty sure that's where Jethro nearly graduated the 8th Grade. Good stuff. Nearly salvaged a thread that was beyond all hope.

 

Nice alt, still ducking me like a little bitch, lol.

 

Sorensen on Rivera

It’s almost as if, before the game, Rivera tells his team:

“We’re going to win the game in the last minute, there’s going to be a controversial penalty against an opposing tight end or what could have been a game-winning touchdown catch by an opposing receiver, Luke Kuechly will not be called for a penalty in the end zone no matter what he does and, oh yeah, as long as I run the show we’re never going to punt again.

“On one.”

Read more here: Panthers’ bad day? Odds are you have ‘em, too | CharlotteObserver.com