Teebow

A fun read from Drew Magary of Deadspin (I read The Postmortal, it was pretty decent scifi):

Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Buy Drew's new book, The Postmortal, through here. Find more of his stuff at his Twitter feed.
----------
Tim Tebow is not an underdog. It's important to remind people of that every now and again because the established media narrative for Tebow these days is that no one ever believed in him, that he arrived on the Broncos' doorstep as an aborted three-month-old fetus and, through the power of SuperJesus, built himself up from scratch into the some kind of magical fourth quarter leper messiah. In truth, Tebow is only an underdog if you consider two factors:

1.) His throwing mechanics

2.) The fact that his new team president and head coach didn't really want him

That's what Tebow had going against him this season. If you want to turn him into football's David Eckstein because of those two things, be my guest. You'd merely be overlooking the fact that Eli Sunday here is a world-class athlete, a two-time national champion, a Heisman Trophy winner, a first round draft pick, and a fucking millionaire. You'd also be overlooking the incredible amount of fan support that Tebow has gotten from Denver fans, Christians and non-Christians alike, during his entire professional career. Any other athlete in that position would be EXPECTED to succeed. Perhaps not in such dramatic fashion, but they'd certainly be expected to play well and win games. But somehow, because this is Tebow, the narrative is HOLY SHIT! CAN YOU BELIEVE LITTLE TIMMY TEBOW HAS BEEN ABLE TO PULL THIS OFF?! IT MUST BE THE WORK OF OUR BENEVOLENT CLOUD GOD!

That kind of thinking does a disservice to both fans and to Tebow himself, who is playing well late in games ON HIS OWN, and not because Invisible Jesus is standing behind him at all times, like a pervert golf instructor helping your wife with her swing. Trust me: there are plenty of tardbillies out there who think the latter scenario is the case, as evidenced by reader Matt:

This was taken from a girl's Facebook status, if not obvious.

"Inspiring, mentally tough, full of hope and humble beyond belief! God really is using Tim Tebow. AMAZING!"

I have no problem with Tebow except for this type of annoying analysis that people feel the need to share.

That's basically the whole Tebow thing in a nutshell. No card-carrying Tebow-hater like me has that much of a problem with Tim Tebow as a person. On his own, Tebow is a fairly harmless little goody-goody. And this Broncos run has been fun to watch. I even like it when Eisen and Deion do the TEBOW chant on the postgame show. It's all the bullshit SURROUNDING Tebow that many of us can't stand. It's people like Peter King essentially saying that there's no rational explanation for Tebow's success when there are PLENTY of rational explanations for it, namely the fact that he's a first-round pick blessed with incredible athletic ability. It's political pollsters asking Iowans about Tebow in a phone survey. It's all the unnecessary dreck that comes with and ruins what Tebow is doing, like this Rick Reilly column, which is worse than pancreatic cancer.

And yes, it's also a matter of faith. I grew up in the first Golden Age of Religious Hypocrisy (we're currently living in the second), with Jim Bakker and Jimmy Swaggart disgracing themselves because they loved pussy and skimming from the collection plate more than they loved the Lord. I am conditioned by my upbringing to regard all outward displays of faith with a healthy dose of skepticism, and I don't think that's a bad thing. History has proven time and again that the people who actively flaunt their faith usually end up being full of shit.

Tim Tebow may be the World's Most Perfect Christian. He may bless every sneeze and have successfully abstained from jerking off his whole adult life (not likely). But I've seen plenty of supposedly perfect Christians in my time that end up being the FREAKIEST FUCKERS ON EARTH, so you'll excuse me if I choose to believe that Tebow secretly watches hentai alien octopus porn when no one is looking. Here's some idiot yammering on about Tebow being a great role model for his kid. Dude, you don't KNOW Tim Tebow. "Nobody knows anybody, not that well." All you know is the Tebow brand, and that isn't enough. Seriously, how many times are people going to be suckered into the myth of the Perfect Sports Role Model?

Not only is it OK to root against Tim Tebow, it's practically your duty as cynical American. Hating on Tebow means rebelling against the same media bullshit generator that made superhumans out of the likes of Tiger Woods and Brett Favre. It's saying a gigantic FUCK YOU to anyone who thinks you're a cold-hearted, football-hating miser for not BELIEVING in Tebow. For not "enjoying the ride." For not letting go and giving in to his wily Christian charms and ability to produce rainbows in the shape of a crucifix during the fourth quarter. Hating on Tebow means subscribing to the idea that the fucker is human, which is a much more accurate and boring story than the current myth being erected.

So yeah, I hope that the Broncos lose their final three games by 30 points each and Marmalard ends up winning the division. Because even though Philip Rivers is a devout Christian, no one's gonna declare his backing into the AFC West title a miracle.

 

bravo, good article


edit - holy shit I looked it up - fuck this stuff is great. This shit is right up my alley.

 

The person who wrote that article is the typical insecure frustrated atheist who lives to scavenge (and create if he has to) flaws in others to excuse his own weakness. It's really typical. Yes, most Christians are hypocrites in some way and broken in many other ways, and maybe even more so than other groups of society . . . and that's one of the major points of Christianity. Gods grace accepts us as the broken F'd up sinners that we are and leads us towards trying to love ourselves and others in spite of our imperfections and problems.
Like millions have (and will continue to) the author must have invested too heavily in heros in his development and he got crushed when they were exposed as only human. One of the most freeing aspects of Christianity is realizing that no Christian is ever going to be "perfect" and we're not supposed to be. Not even TIM TEBOW? Nope. But we can try and exemplify Jesus Christ in learning scripture and actively striving for better "less freaky" behavior. other people WILL let you down, it's inevitable. Tim Tebow trusts only in God and knows that he will NEVER be let down. That's the center of the guys faith and his strength.

 

Yeah, it's ignoring that people are enjoying Tebow's success and expressing surprise precisely because the columnist and his ilk insulted and dismissed Tebow long before. Think about how many times you saw or read someone say that Tebow couldn't play quarterback in the NFL, then try to remember anyone being that critical of JaMarcus Russell. For whatever reason, a lot of people just had a visceral reaction to him and attacked him undeservedly. That's why people like me enjoy watching him prove them wrong.



And for the record, I'm not religious at all.

 

Roethisberger has 2 SB rings and he is a serial rapist. Imagine what Tebow could do with his work ethic if he would drop Jesus and just start raping women?

 

New Englands going to tag a loss on Teeboy. Brady 4 TDs, Teeblow 0

 

i beg to differ. he's young, and his incorrect ideas about 'god' will let him down. he just hasn't lived long enough yet. he lives in a fantasy world created by $, his talent, and youth. i don't even think his brain is finished forming yet. how old is he, 24? it won't last. he's a monkey like the rest of us. he's got it wrong like the rest of us. he just doesn't know it yet, like those of us a little bit older. jesus is dead, of course he won't let tebow down. tebow's incorrect ideas about jesus will.

 

possibly, and you're going to attract people like that when you dumb luck your way into everything you want, and then suggest that it's God's favor (i.e., I'm worthy, so maybe you aren't). But while I most likely disagree with the author philosophically, I still like it, because I'm tired of having to hear about a quarterback who only last week was able to get more than 202 yards, and had to take 40 attempts to do it (which had to fucking kill John Fox, to watch that fucker throw 40 times), and hear about how great he is.

 

For the record, Tebow never does that. Ever.