My journey

I posted this in coffee shop before I remembered this section, so if one or the other needs to be removed, that's fine.



After a whirlwind of work and various other things going on in my life, when I barely had time to read the Panthers forum, let alone post, here I am again. There are only a few people around here who know me beyond a couple meets at Morehead or Magic Maze.

I don't know if there are a lot of Christians here, and it really doesn't matter, but I want to share something that was the biggest change in my life I could possibly imagine.

There has been a void inside me for years, I never knew what caused it. At least one person here knows me well enough to know what I'm talking about firsthand. This person tried to get me to "see the light" so to speak, and I wouldn't hear any of it. She saw the good in me, and tried to get it to come out, but I didn't pay attention or whatever.

Anyway, after spending years trying to fill this void, via alcohol, painkillers, one night stands, etc, just bouncing through life with no real purpose, I began seeking comfort for this emptiness through a serious relationship. It was perfect in every way, we clicked from the moment we laid eyes on each other. After a year of serious romance, we moved in together. She was a very religious person, and tried to get me to go to church. I didn't want anything to do with it because I've always been turned off about it because of the cliques, and judgemental people at my childhood church. I figured most churchs were filled with hypocrites and Sunday Christians, so I didn't put much stock into what she was asking me to do. I did it a few times, and was ok with it, but every time I could get out if it, I did. She had a 7 year old son that adored me, he asked me to go, I still made excuses to get out of it. Even though I wasn't following God's path with her, she still loved me, and accepted me, and prayed that I would eventually find that path again. Everything was wonderful in everyway, except for the normal baggage with 2 people both having ex-husbands or wives with children, which was no big deal. Anyway, after 2 years, we started having more problems, we weren't spending enough time together, we didn't pay attention to the other person's wants and needs, and even though this relationship had been incredible for 2 years, I was still feeling an emptiness and a void inside me and we broke up. A few months passed, and we tried to work on our small issues, but she could tell that I was still not fulfilled, no matter how good things would get for us, so we basically stopped trying. A few more months passed, and it was then that
I realized that no matter how good everything was in my life, that there was only one thing that could fill that void.

So on Sunday 5/31/09, I made a phone call to a childhood friend's sister, whose husband became a Pastor for a small church after years of being associate pastor at various other places. This wonderful man gave the services for both my grandfathers' and for my aunt's funerals, and I was overwhelmed with his inspiring presence. I have known this Pastor for over 20 years, and I knew when I finally wanted to seek Christ, that this was the person I wanted to help guide me. I talked to his wife on the phone, and she could sense that I was troubled, despite it having been years since I had seen or talked to her. It was 8 years ago that my childhood friend died in a car accident, and that was the last time I saw his sister. She immediately remembered me, and she could tell that I was looking for help, and she told me that Myron (the Pastor) would be at the church around 4:45 if I wanted to go see him before the Sunday Service. I got there at 4:20 and waited on him. He took me in and I explained to him how lost I was, and that I had lost my purpose in life. He prayed for me, and God filled my heart and soul from hearing this man pray for me in such a way I had never heard. I got on my knees and prayed and unburdened myself of my problems and accepted Christ back into my life. I am getting baptised again (was done as small child so I don't feel like I completely understood what it meant) this coming Sunday.

In a split second, when I accepted Christ back into my life, I had the most incredible feelings of peace and joy. It felt like the weight of the world was off my shoulders, I prayed for Christ to shoulder my burdens so that I would have the strength to do His work.

Later, when the church service begin Sunday night, Myron choked up when he started the sermon (which was about people who had strayed and returning back and accepting Christ) and said "I didn't have any clue when I started preparing this sermon why I was even doing it for a Sunday night. This crowd mostly doesn't need this sermon, this is a Sunday Morning sermon. But God had plans for this sermon. I didn't know it when I started preparing this, but it turns out that there is someone here who desparately needs to hear it. He was breaking down at that point, and I'll explain why later. Anyway, the sermon gets to the point where they do the invitational for anyone who wants to be baptised because a little girl had already asked to do that next week, and she had to be accepted by the church. So they start the invitational, and this little girl goes up, and Myron prays with her, and he parks her on a pew to see if anyone else wants to walk up. I took a deep breath, and walked up there. I thought I would be nervous in front of however many strangers there were there. I only knew the Pastor and his wife. But it felt like I was floating on air. We prayed together, and I took my seat to wait for anymore people who wanted to come up. Nobody else did, so of course Myron brings the little girl back up, and introduces her to the church, and says that she wants to devote herself to Christ and the church, would the church accept her. So obviously that motion passes, so the little sweetpea is going to get baptised next Sunday.

Then, Myron asks me to come up. I've known him for 24 years, and he has an awe-inspiring presence in many ways. I can't imagine a better service than the one he gave at my grandfather's funeral. But anyway, I walk up, he puts his arm around me, and immediately breaks down sobbing, so of course I do to. He gathers himself after a minute or so, and says to the church, "Wow, let me see if I can get through this. I have known this man for well over 20 years, and I have often prayed that this day would come. It is one of the biggest honors and one of the greatest feelings of my life, that this man came to me to help him in his search for Christ." So at this point, there's not a dry eye in the church, and the motion is presented for the church to accept me. I got a thunderous response of "aye" even louder than the little girl, from a group of total and complete strangers. I felt like I wasn't even inside my own body at this point. It was the most amazing feeling I've ever had. I'm getting baptised next Sunday, and I can already feel this void inside me getting filled up. I've been reading a lot about how to pray, and after only one day, I'm feeling so much better about myself and my life, and I'm starting to feel a purpose. I want to be able to help with the youth one of these days, after I have been able to let God finish healing my heart and my soul.

It is the biggest change I could have ever imagined. Just the peacefulness of allowing Christ to shoulder my burdens and let my faith in him get me through the rough times. I'm inspired to tell my story to anyone who will listen. There's a couple of people on here that I really hope reads this, but I hope the rest of you do as well. I'm not seeking attention, or feedback, or trying to push Christianity on anyone else, but this has been such a powerful experience that I had to share it my long-time friends and a few acquantances on here.

Feel free to post any thoughts, and if you want to follow my walk with God, you can check out my blog at http://reznorhalo4.blogspot.com/

God bless you all, and thanks for reading. If this touches one single person, then everything I went through to get to this point was worth it. I have suffered in many ways for a long time, and as soon as I reaffirmed my faith yesterday, those pains and burdens were relieved from me. God has always had a plan for me, I just didn't recognize it. Thank you all for welcoming me so warmly to TBR so many years ago, and if anyone would like to talk, feel free to PM me. I am overwhelmed with peace and joy and I will share my history and try to help anyone who wants it or needs it.

God Bless,
John

 

how's your fucking back?

 

It's a lot better actually. Still have some pain here and there, if I do too much. Bad arthritis when it rains and it's cold, but otherwise, I'm probably in the best shape I've been in for 10 years or so.

 

did you sell your wow account?

 

A great story, and not much different from my own. I'm glad you've (re)found Christ, and so grateful you shared.

 

I did, but the idiot got it banned so I recovered it LOL.

 

Thank you Mark, I'm sure there a ton of people out with stories like ours. I'm glad you read it.

 

are you still addicted to meth or am I thinking of someone else (lil'beze maybe)?

 

That is someone else, I've never done meth.

 

Why not?