Divorce--moral & ethical perspectives

The passage covered in the Bible study when Jesus spoke on divorce got me to thinking about marriage & divorce, & what those mean to us. I started wondering, for instance: Do we take marriage less seriously as a moral commitment than we used to? Do we find it too easy to justify divorce?

What I'm thinking about in particular are our spiritual, moral, ethical beliefs about whether & when divorce is justified. That won't necessarily be the same as what we think of it in social or civil/legal terms.

I started out by looking at what Bible passages touched on the topic of divorce. I figured posting those references would be as good a place as any to start off the discussion.

I'd like to emphasize, though, that I'm not looking only for Judeo-Christian outlooks here. I hope to look at other perspectives also, & compare & contrast them.

The passages I found through a keyword search on biblegateway.com:

Leviticus 21:7
They shall not take a wife who is a harlot or a defiled woman, nor shall they take a woman divorced from her husband; for the priest is holy to his God.
Leviticus 21:6-8 (in Context) Leviticus 21 (Whole Chapter)
Leviticus 21:14
A widow or a divorced woman or a defiled woman or a harlot—these he shall not marry; but he shall take a virgin of his own people as wife.
Leviticus 21:13-15 (in Context) Leviticus 21 (Whole Chapter)

Leviticus 22:13
But if the priest’s daughter is a widow or divorced, and has no child, and has returned to her father’s house as in her youth, she may eat her father’s food; but no outsider shall eat it.
Leviticus 22:12-14 (in Context) Leviticus 22 (Whole Chapter)

Numbers 30:9
“Also any vow of a widow or a divorced woman, by which she has bound herself, shall stand against her.
Numbers 30:8-10 (in Context) Numbers 30 (Whole Chapter)

Deuteronomy 22:19
and they shall fine him one hundred shekels of silver and give them to the father of the young woman, because he has brought a bad name on a virgin of Israel. And she shall be his wife; he cannot divorce her all his days.
Deuteronomy 22:18-20 (in Context) Deuteronomy 22 (Whole Chapter)
Deuteronomy 22:29
then the man who lay with her shall give to the young woman’s father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife because he has humbled her; he shall not be permitted to divorce her all his days.
Deuteronomy 22:28-30 (in Context) Deuteronomy 22 (Whole Chapter)

Deuteronomy 24:1
[ Law Concerning Divorce ] “When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house,
Deuteronomy 24:1-3 (in Context) Deuteronomy 24 (Whole Chapter)
Deuteronomy 24:3
if the latter husband detests her and writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her as his wife,
Deuteronomy 24:2-4 (in Context) Deuteronomy 24 (Whole Chapter)
Deuteronomy 24:4
then her former husband who divorced her must not take her back to be his wife after she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the LORD, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance.
Deuteronomy 24:3-5 (in Context) Deuteronomy 24 (Whole Chapter)

Isaiah 50:1
[ The Servant, Israel’s Hope ] Thus says the LORD:“ Where is the certificate of your mother’s divorce, Whom I have put away? Or which of My creditors is it to whom I have sold you? For your iniquities you have sold yourselves, And for your transgressions your mother has been put away.
Isaiah 50:1-3 (in Context) Isaiah 50 (Whole Chapter)

Jeremiah 3:1
[ Israel Is Shameless ] “They say, ‘If a man divorces his wife,And she goes from him And becomes another man’s, May he return to her again?’ Would not that land be greatly polluted? But you have played the harlot with many lovers; Yet return to Me,” says the LORD.
Jeremiah 3:1-3 (in Context) Jeremiah 3 (Whole Chapter)
Jeremiah 3:8
Then I saw that for all the causes for which backsliding Israel had committed adultery, I had put her away and given her a certificate of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah did not fear, but went and played the harlot also.
Jeremiah 3:7-9 (in Context) Jeremiah 3 (Whole Chapter)

Ezekiel 44:22
They shall not take as wife a widow or a divorced woman, but take virgins of the descendants of the house of Israel, or widows of priests.
Ezekiel 44:21-23 (in Context) Ezekiel 44 (Whole Chapter)

Malachi 2:16
“ For the LORD God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one’s garment with violence,” Says the LORD of hosts. “ Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously.”
Malachi 2:15-17 (in Context) Malachi 2 (Whole Chapter)

Matthew 5:31
[ Marriage Is Sacred and Binding ] “Furthermore it has been said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’
Matthew 5:30-32 (in Context) Matthew 5 (Whole Chapter)
Matthew 5:32
But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.
Matthew 5:31-33 (in Context) Matthew 5 (Whole Chapter)

Matthew 19:1
[ Marriage and Divorce ] Now it came to pass, when Jesus had finished these sayings, that He departed from Galilee and came to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan.
Matthew 19:1-3 (in Context) Matthew 19 (Whole Chapter)
Matthew 19:3
The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?”
Matthew 19:2-4 (in Context) Matthew 19 (Whole Chapter)
Matthew 19:7
They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?”
Matthew 19:6-8 (in Context) Matthew 19 (Whole Chapter)
Matthew 19:8
He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.
Matthew 19:7-9 (in Context) Matthew 19 (Whole Chapter)
Matthew 19:9
And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.”
Matthew 19:8-10 (in Context) Matthew 19 (Whole Chapter)

Mark 10:1
[ Marriage and Divorce ] Then He arose from there and came to the region of Judea by the other side of the Jordan. And multitudes gathered to Him again, and as He was accustomed, He taught them again.
Mark 10:1-3 (in Context) Mark 10 (Whole Chapter)
Mark 10:2
The Pharisees came and asked Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” testing Him.
Mark 10:1-3 (in Context) Mark 10 (Whole Chapter)
Mark 10:4
They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce, and to dismiss her.”
Mark 10:3-5 (in Context) Mark 10 (Whole Chapter)
Mark 10:11
So He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her.
Mark 10:10-12 (in Context) Mark 10 (Whole Chapter)
Mark 10:12
And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”
Mark 10:11-13 (in Context) Mark 10 (Whole Chapter)

Luke 16:18
“Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery.
Luke 16:17-19 (in Context) Luke 16 (Whole Chapter)

1 Corinthians 7:11
But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.
1 Corinthians 7:10-12 (in Context) 1 Corinthians 7 (Whole Chapter)
1 Corinthians 7:12
But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her.
1 Corinthians 7:11-13 (in Context) 1 Corinthians 7 (Whole Chapter)
1 Corinthians 7:13
And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him.
1 Corinthians 7:12-14 (in Context) 1 Corinthians 7 (Whole Chapter)

 

along the same lines, what, if anything does the bible say about a prenuptual agreement? I know that it won't address it directly, but what can one draw from passages?

 

I haven't had time yet to go through all those bible references, but I did read both the chapters of Leviticus that were cited (21 & 22).

In both of those chapters, the primary focus is on laws concerning the priesthood, the priests & their conduct, & the priests' families.

Priests were forbidden to ever marry ANY woman who was not a virgin. This strictness for the priesthood isn't limited to matters of marriage, but extended to pretty much all aspects of their lives. They were expected to adhere to a much higher or stricter standard than the population at large.

I'll get into the other biblical references, & bring up some other viewpoints, soon

 

The Two shall become as one

How do you ever become one with a prenup. Basically you're saying "when we get divorced..."
Donald and Marla Trump stayed married JUST up to that 7 years when the prenup became void.

 

AK, I can't sort it out.

A husband is not to divorce his wife, a husband hands his wife a certificate of divorce because he doesn't like her for some reason, marry a virgin, divorce a virgin and she becomes a harlot or unclean, if your wife dies marry another virgin, if your husband dies too bad you are defiled and unclean.

 

Couldn't have said it any better HollyB, it makes no sense to me.

 

I'm not familiar with any biblical references that could be construed as prenuptial agreements or as applying to such an agreement. Someone else may have a lot more expertise than I do here. The closest thing I'm aware of is the matter of arrangements between the families when daughters are "given" to be married--dowries or bride prices. As I read through some of these references, there may be regulations about what kind of restitution is to be made in case of a divorce; I'm not sure.

I can see & would expect a significant difference between what's covered in the laws regarding marriage & divorce, & what might be considered moral or ethical. So I recognize why some people might feel the need or desire for a prenup.

However, my own feeling & opinion is that if you feel a need for a prenup, you're not confident & trusting enough in your relationship to be making a marriage commitment in the first place. Marriage is by definition a lifetime commitment & relationship. Why marry if you don't really believe it's going to last that long? Why commit if you think there's a good chance the commitment will be broken?

Does the increase in prenups mean that people are re-defining marriage as less than a lifetime relationship?

I think it's very possible that some people feel some sort of cultural pressure to make their relationship a legally binding one in some way, even when they don't have real hope or expectation that it will last until one or the other dies. But our culture doesn't have any sort of "limited" civil union contracts to offer.

Pagans have what they call a "handfasting" ritual, & that agreement can be made for a trial period (traditionally 'a year & a day'), a specified or unspecified temporary period, or be considered a lifetime commitment as a traditional marriage is. The people involved in a handfasting often write their agreements to suit themselves. They may include such language as "for as long as love shall last." Such phrases aren't intended to absolve a couple of the responsibility to work hard at making their relationship last through difficulties. But it is intended to allow couples to part ways without undue blame or guilt if they someday decide that enough has changed that parting is the best choice for them to move forward in their lives. Some pagans will combine a personal & spiritual handfasting ritual with a traditional legal marriage; others will not.

 

I haven't worked my way through reading all these references yet, but what you're saying is very much what I remember from previous readings of the bible. Based on all I've read & studied over the years, the Israelites & later the Christian church were extremely patriarchal groups with a very controlling, condescending, & unequitable overall attitude toward women. Some of the rules & attitudes are supposed to be seen as respectful & protective. I would argue that even those things that are supposedly meant to be protective are often, in fact, extremely disrespectful of females.

I do believe there is a God. I can't believe that God's attitude toward women is as disrespectful & unfair as the impression I've received over the years from what I've absorbed of traditional Christian teachings. What I don't know at this point is whether this is because of human error in composing the bible; or because of human error in interpreting the bible; or because the bible isn't truly divinely inspired. Those are ideas that I'm still exploring.

My feeling, not necessarily connected to logical reasoning (or only subconsciously connected), is that much in the bible is indeed divinely inspired. There are certain things, certain ideas there that just resonate with truth for me.

 

Comments on reading Numbers chapter 30:

The discussion here is basically about a woman's right to enter into a binding contract. According to this, a young woman still living in her father's house can be overruled by her father. A married woman can be overruled by her husband. But a widow or a divorced woman is bound by any contract she makes, & can't use a father's or husband's objection to be released from her promise.

If we are talking about women of marriageable age, then we are talking about adults here. Although girls might have married at what we would consider very young ages in that society, marriage itself is an adult responsibility. This set of laws seems to spring from an assumption that a woman is incapable of making adult decisions on her own. Or, perhaps, that she has no right to make any decisions that her father or her husband might object to. Either assumption is inherently disrespectful to females, IMO. It certainly can't be convincingly argued that females have any less intelligence or any less sense of responsibility than males.

Yet widows & divorcees are bound by whatever contracts they make. Why? It seems to me that it's only because there is no man who can be said to be "responsible" for them. If the position on married or never-married women is assumed to be "protective," it would seem rather cruel not to extend some sort of protection to those unfortunate enough to be widowed or divorced.

I see these rules simply as a societal construct to keep power primarily in the hands of men.

If these are civil laws for the nation of Israel only & not spiritual principles, I wonder why they are included in what is considered "holy scripture." And the beginning of the chapter does say that these laws were given by God himself. Why would God make such rules?

 

I'm hoping some others will peek in here from time to time & make some comments. In the meantime, I'll keep reading & spouting off

On Deuteronomy chapter 22:

I noticed a number of interesting points for discussion here, but I'll limit my comments in this thread to matters of marriage & divorce.

A couple of things strike me about this passage.

#1: Why is there such emphasis/value placed on a woman's virginity, while apparently a man's is totally irrelevant? I can understand considering sexuality to be a special gift & a special relationship, & therefore devaluing promiscuity (of either men or women). I don't get the emphasis on virginity, & especially limiting the concern about it to women.

#2: "PROOF" of virginity? Excuse me, but there really is no such thing, even today! There may be a few things that might be indicators one way or the other; & pregnancy (except in Mary's case, LOL) would count as proof that one is NOT a virgin. But let's be real. Some girls are born without a hymen, & others may appear to be unpenetrated even after they've had intercourse numerous times.

The premium placed on the female's virginity may be related to the male desire to be certain that any children born of the relationship are truly his . . .

#3: NOT being a virgin = being promiscuous??? YIKES!!! And what of the man who chose her for a bride? Does it matter whether he is or not?

This society takes adultery very, very seriously. It's a capital offense. Considering WHY might make for some interesting discussion.

I note that a promise of marriage--an engagement--is pretty much the equivalent of BEING married in this situation. And again, adultery is a crime worthy of a death penalty--& in a very brutal manner, at that.

I don't know how likely it might be in that society that a woman being raped "in a town" might scream & not be heard; but if that was the case, SHEESH! Very bad news!

This one just BLOWS MY MIND. I guess I need to take the mores of the ancient civilization into consideration, but . . .

A single girl or woman is RAPED. The way of making restitution for this violent crime is for the rapist to pay off her dad & marry her; & he can never divorce her???

Like I would want my daughter's rapist to pay me off, & then for her to be stuck living with him for the rest of her life? I shudder to think of the poor girls who suffered this fate!

I would have understood & agreed with a death penalty in this case!